God Bless State Government

Okay - this article really chaps my hide. Here's the first paragraph of the above article for posterity's sake: "The S.C. Senate was gridlocked for more than seven hours Tuesday as a small band of senators — led by powerful Senate President Pro Tem Glenn McConnell, R-Charleston — filibustered, preventing a majority from passing a strong seat-belt bill." Okay - in a state where education is near the bottom of the nation, we're in a budget crunch, and the govenor is calling for privatizationof every conceivable function - I'm glad our state senators are making themselves useful by wasting at LEAST two full days arguing over whether Cletus Jones and family has to wear their seatbelts. For those of you just tuning in - I'm committed to improving the common good. But c'mon, there are just some things that are not worth the time and energy for the tiny benefit it may bring. This seat belt law is one of those. Since the SC state senate is committed to saving the SC population from themselves, I am in the process of drafting a bill to committed to seeing the following laws enacted: 1) Creating stricter motorcycle helmet laws. For the .2 % of the population that rides motorcycles, and the subsequent .2% of that population which is involved in accidents, and the .2% of those involved in accidents who don't wear a helmet every year (thats a whopping .008 % of the general population for those of you playing along at home) - I propose that we spend 3.4 billion dollars on a helmet education policy for the state. Screw the hundreds of homeless and hungry - we've got rich affluent white guys who are killing themselves on motorcycles! 2) A gas price relief package for any white housewife who drives a SUV. These woman are the backbone of our economy people - and while they've been driving gas guzzling cars for years, now that gas prices are rising, they need something to complain about in their stop-off at Starbucks in between shopping excursions at Talbots and Coplons. This gas relief package would reduce the price of gas by 50% for every housewife, and would give doctor's wives an additional 25% break. This would all be subsidized with tax money. Just think of all the money the state will be saving by privatizating the museum, parks, law enforcement, the judicial system, and the state house. Give me a break people - Republican or Democrat, liberal or conservative - I just don't understand the asinine use of time and resources of our state government. Perhaps if they were better stewards of taxpayers monies, we would not be in the budget situation we're in. Until next time, or until Jim Clyburn introduces a bill calling for Maurice Bessinger as man of the century.....

They should totally change the prayer book

You know, there is a blessing in the Episcopal church which says, "May the peace of God, which passes all understanding, keep your hearts and minds in the knowledge and love of God, and of his Son, Jesus Christ our Lord; and may the blessings of God almighty, the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit, be with you now and remain with you forever. Amen! I'd like to officially petition the church to change the line to "the peace of mind which comes with a clean house..." Seriously folks - After weeks of squalor and near slum-like conditions, I finally got off my lazy ass and did some serious cleaning. It wasn't even of the spring variety. It was just normal, what should be once a week cleaning of the bathrooms, kitchen, and other living areas of my home. And you know what, I just woke up this morning in a better mood. The bathroom didn't scare me first thing in the morning. I walked around in my bare feet and nothing stuck to me. What a beautiful feeling. Now, this isn't to say that the project-like conditions won't be back - probably sooner rather then later. But it is nice, even if just for a fleeting moment or two, to live in relative cleanliness. Until the Episcopal Hymnal includes "Bette Davis Eyes" -

This is harder then I expected

You know, I thought that at least once a day, something would annoy me greatly enough to make an entry. And while there are things that annoy me on a daily basis, transferring them from the hustle and bustle of daily life into a blog entry is harder then I expected. I don't want to write something just to write something, but at the same time, I don't want to go long periods of time without updating. Its a proverbial catch-22. So, if anyone is looking for something to do this weekend, check out this. All the cool kids will be there. I almost expected to see Dr. Dic on this page. If you have a problem, if no one else can help, and if you can find them, maybe you can hire the A-Team.

Your fragrance needs to stay your fragrance

Last night, after a nice workout, I stopped by Kroger to purchase some laundry detergent and a frozen pizza (the dinner of champions my friend). After a pleasant enough transaction with a young cashier, she handed me my receipt and my bag, and I was on my merry way. I got home, and put the pizza in the oven, and opened a beer (cause really, beer and pizza goes together like peanut butter and jelly, crack and whores, and Howie and Happening Superstars. As I take my first, tasty sip of my Miller Lite, thats when I smell it. It wasn't so much that it smelled bad. It was the fact that my hand, my arm, and now my beer actually smelled like it. What was it you may ask? Why the very scent that I first whiffed at my friendlyneighborhood Kroger. It was all over me. After a few minutes scrubbing in my kitchen sink, i finally got it off of my person, but the beer was a lost cause. Perfume should be subtle. If you're at a normal conversation distance from someone, you should be able to slightly whiff a person's chosen scent. In a more intimate setting, it will obviously be stronger. If you can actually smell someone before you see them, then you're wearing too much damn cologne or perfume. I fully respect your desire to smell like a $0.50 hooker. I really do. The fourteen squirts of your $1.22 perfume certainly are doing the job. But please, have some consideration for those around you. While you may enjoy smelling this way, I certainly don't.

Image Google Search is Fun

So, hopefully everyone is aware of http://images.google.com Know what a fun game is? Type in your friends names and see what comes up. In the oft chance that you get an actual picture of them, its pretty wierd. But sometimes seeing the other stuff is just as funny. Here are some examples. Marion Swain Adam Dougherty Catherine Anderson Chris How John Reddic That was fun! Till tomorrow.

Top Ten Things I learned this weekend.

In no particular order: 1) A 29:20 5K made me very happy (and thats the time I actually crossed the finish line - the actual time may be under 29!) 2) Running + Beer at 10AM = Drunk Daniel in bed at 8 PM 3) Hammering sucks. 4) The Legend of Zelda is a whole lot easier then I remember. 5) People actually read this blog. 6) Drunk-talking to co-workers is not a good idea. 7) Not going to a race is a guarantee for it being a beautiful day. 8) Weekends are not long enough. 9) There is a girl’s line and boy’s line in keg tossing. 10) Thank God St. Patty’s day is only once a year. Till tomorrow, when I may or may not but fired up about something….

Wow

Wow, apparently they want me to actually do some work at work these days. I don't know what their problem is. As such, I haven't really had a chance to update this the past few days during the day. Since its been warm outside, I've got a bad case of spring fever and I'm outside doing stuff. I just had $500 worth of lumber delivered to my door this morning. I'm in the process of rebuilding a deck and I'm going to build a picnic shelter in my backyard as well. I can't wait until June when I'm sitting in my back yard, sipping a nice cold beer, throwing some horse shoes, and basking in the glory of my hard work. It makes home ownership worthwhile.

Manic Monday

So, not too much to say today. Here's an update on life: 1) I'm looking to purchase a cheap new hard-drive so I can upgrade my Tivo. I'm checking some of my bargain sites on a regular basis, but if you see a good deal on one, shoot me a message. 2) I've got spring fever bad. I've got my new and improved back yard sketched out right now, and I really wish I had unlimited time and money to make it a reality. Anyone willing to donate some cash for the backyard improvement fund? 3) I watched three movies over the weekend. They were all good, in their own ways. A Mighty Wind , The Fugitive, and Phone Booth. 4) I cut my EAR today while I was shaving. Don't ask how. I also seem to have lost a check. I also walked out of the door without my wallet this morning. What a good Monday. I leave you with those immortal words of the Bangles: It's just another manic Monday I wish it was Sunday 'Cause that's my funday My I don't have to runday It's just another manic Monday

An open letter

Dear Convenience Store Employee, Thank you for the years of sub-par service at your establishment. Of waiting to turn my gas pump on while you finish your Milky Way, of overcharging me for beer and cigarettes, and for broadcasting an air of apathy and lethargy that is unparalleled in this hemisphere. You really are the unsung hero of America. Imagine a world where you get off the phone and actually attend to your customers. Can you fathom the horrors that would result in a smile and a thank you after I make in a purchase in your store. And what would behavior like that teach our children? No, its much better that you continue doing your minimum wage job with no motivation and desire to do better for yourself. I’m sure you’ve had multiple employment offers from all the successful businessmen who frequent your store who have been impressed with your get up and go attitude and professionalism. Choose it carefully, because your job working the 11PM to 6 AM shift at the local gas and go make not be there if things don’t work out at another job. And someone has to teach the new Bantu trainee the ropes. Sincerely A loyal patron

Ode to a masterpiece

Okay, please read this entire entry. Don't skim it, see what the topic is, and move on. If you'd do that, you're EXACTLY the person I'm writing this for. For most of you, the name Joss Whedon would mean absolutely nothing. I want to change all of that. Joss Whedon is the creator and mastermind behind TV's Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Angel, and Firefly series. I can't tell you how many people roll their eyes when I mention that Buffy is my all time favorite show on television. Of course anything with a name like Buffy the Vampire Slayer must be sophomoric. No self respecting writer would spend any time actually developing such a concept. To understand the beauty of the show, you must understand two important cliches that it tackles head on. Number One, one of the oldest horror movie cliches is the blond haired damsel in distress running down a dark ally, being pursued by some big nasty monster. Buffy, as a concept and as a series, turns that cliche around - what if the blond haired cheerleader was doing the chasing of the monster? The second, and more relatable to the masses concept the show tackles is that of "High school is hell." For most intelligent students (which is the audience Buffy is after - it would never be the ratings smash that CSI or Friends was because it was so much SMARTER then what was on television) - high school is a metaphorical hell, escaped only by graduation. In the world of Buffy, it is both a metaphorical hell and a LITERAL one. Monsters around every corner. Sure, some potential viewers could never get past the name "Buffy the Vampire Slayer." Some couldn't get past the fact that it was a show that refused to be genred: was it a comedy, a drama? (and yes, I just used the word genre as a verb, deal with it). But any show, that in a single hour can make me laugh and cry, can scare me and make feel pity - surely something must be right. If you've never given the show a chance, and would to, let me know, I'd be glad to share. And now, my Top 5 Buffy Episodes 5) Hush - The first of Joss Whedon's "stunt" episodes. The last 30 minutes of the episode don't have a single bit of dialogue. The villains are creepy, the lack of voices creative, and the comedy of communicating without voices - brilliant. 4) The Gift - The 5th season finale, and 100th episode. 3) Becoming (parts 1 and 2) - The Second Season finale - probably the most representitive single two episodes of the entire show. Comedy, drama, apocolypse - this one has it all. 2) Once more with Feeling - The Whedon-penned season six musical - and a musical that actually addresses the fact that "PEOPLE IN NORMAL LIFE DO NOT BURST INTO SONG." Even more impressive about this episode is that its pivotal to the season long story arc. The cast definitely has varied bits of talent - but with lyrics like "Bunnies aren't just cute like everybody supposes, they got them hoppy legs and twitchy littly noses, and whats with all the carrots, what do the need such good eyesight for anyway, bunnies, bunnies, it must be bunnies.... or maybe midgets" its hard to go wrong 1) The Body - a haunting view of what the hours following the loss of a loved one is like. Its truthful, heartfelt, and real. The complete abscence of background music during the episode creates an hour of television that isn't soon forgotten. Now maybe I haven't convinced you that Buffy is a great show. But hopefully your interest has been piqued. And if not, shut up. :)

Its a freaking movie people

For the past month, among other things, I've listened to my coworkers debate the finer points of "The Passion of The Christ". For these people, it seems that viewing this HOLLYWOOD movie was a true religious experience. I'm not saying it isn't a powerful movie for Christians. I'd like to see it at some point. But just like reading The Davinci Code , it certainly won't change my faith one bit. I'm all for movies that showcase religion, and I'm glad that its found an outlet in mainstream Hollywood. However, it is a movie that was made FOR PROFIT. It would not have EVER been made, distributed, and marketed if someone somewhere didn't think it would make money. And bluntly put, its a work of historical fiction. Based on facts, yes. But an accurate representation of exactly what happend? I have to say maybe only because I don't know for a FACT that its not the way it happend. I think what really gets me is the fact that I've heard so many people comment on how this movie has fundamentally changed their faith. Well shame on you. We're all at different places in our journeys - but if a movie can change your belief system that much, then whats next? A new brand of Rice-A-Roni that replaces communion? In conclusion - religion is based on reasoning and thinking - sure its emotional and there IS an element of faith involved - but I've already thought through so many of the things that people seem to be thinking about for the first time. That doesn't make me better then them, but it certainly gives credence to the "Religion is the opiate of the masses" view that Karl Marx held. Tomorrow - a much less controversial entry, I promise.

Am I the only one who understands???

Listed below is a routine traffic sign, that one would think people would obey...but nooooooooooo What is it people? Why? Are you playing policeman, trying to keep others from going faster then you think they should? Are you truly that self-absorbed that you're unaware that your actions are affecting other people? Or are you just playing asshole, aware that your actions are affecting someone else, but you just don't care? Whatever the reason, I consider this an open declaration of war. You may have started it, but I'll win. Challenge.

MP3 Random Feature Musings

So, two hours in the car this weekend gave me lots of time to play with my MP3 player’s random feature. I’m a big fan of this feature, as you never know what is coming up next. Here’s a sampling of my ride home on Friday, to explain what I mean: 1) Tracy Chapman – The Promise: For an old girlfriend and I, this was “our” song – I hadn’t thought about the girl in a while, and hadn’t thought about this song in even longer – so having it randomly start was a little jarring. It’s a great song, but like any song that has special meaning, it instantly took me back to another place and time. 2) Led Zepplin – Stairway to Heaven Okay, normally, I know that this song is coming up. But to just be driving along (at right at exit 33 on I-20 who already know what I’m talking about) – it really was just a surreal moment. Hearing the opening notes of this song always make me feel like I’m a 13 year old again at Gravatt. It was just a nice rememberence of how much Gravatt is a part of my life. 3)C&C Music Factory – Things that make you go hmmmm 8th grade science lab – I remember sitting in the room, and someone had turned on the radio. This song came on and everybody started singing it. Just one of those completely random memories that I hadn’t thought of in years. Until Tomorrow, I leave you with the lyrics to that classic C&C Music factory song: Things that make you go hmm I was at the crib, sittin' by the fireplace Drinkin' cocoa on the bear skin rug The door bell rang. Who could it be? Thought to myself then started to shrug Got to the door. Ding Dong. Who is it? My girl's best friend had payed me a visit. Sly as can be, tight dress and all She knew that I was faithful. I really didn't have the gall. I tried to chilll. She made the move. Now I know my girlfriend wouldn't approve. I didn't realize my girl was settin' me up Yo, my girl didn't trust me. No! Yeah, but she lost control I wouln't take the bait. I said chill baby baby chill baby baby wait My girl bust in, Caught us creating a boom She said "Girlfriend"? Things that make you go hmm Things that make you go hmm Things that make you go hmm Things that make you go hmm, hmm, hmm Things that make you go hmm

God Bless Friday

TGIF! Its 1:16, and I honestly have not done a single bit of work all day. I've talked on the phone, talked to co-workers, surfed the net, talked to more co-workers, talked on the phone some more, gone to lunch, ate a White Mystery Airhead and then surfed the net some more. You know, funny is funny - whether it be Republican, Independent, or even Democratic. I'm not quite sure which of Dennis Kucinich's aides told him this would be a good idea, but he deserves to loose his/her job over this. THis is the BEST news I've heard in a long time. Finally - its my Dad's 58th birthday today. He'll never see this, as he is not one for technology, but happy birfday Dad!

Just not feeling it

I don't have anything newsworthy or witty to say today, so I won't waste much bandwidth. What if George W. was a girl? - Just a funny site.

Best of 2004 – Part 1

This idea is stolen partly from Oprah, partly from my desire to have a theme running through these somewhat random entires, and partly in an effort to include some positiveness in an otherwise angry and annoyed blog. A few ground rules about my list: the items in question do not have to originate in 2004. For instance, the best book I’ve read in the past few months has been Mystic River which was actually published in 2002. So, we’ll start today with my 2004 best of : MUSIC. Best Music to Clean To: Moby’s Play. Its just great music all around. Moby sure is talented. Its not an album I’d ever just want to sit down and LISTEN to, but as background music, especially background cleaning music, its phenomenal. Best Driving Music: Macy Gray’s The Trouble With Being Myself. It’s a funky, mellow, and ambitious musical journey. The songs are catchy, well-written, and are of a varied nature. My favorites? Probably “She Don’t Write Songs About You”, not because I can understand the thoughts in the song, but cause the line “She’ll give you good head, and she’ll make up the bed, but she don’t write songs about you.” Just makes me smile. Best DMB Album Okay, everyone knows that I’m a ridiculous Dave Matthews Band fan. I despise the frat-tastic following the band has attained, but I can tolerate it cause the band is just that good. Anyone who screams “We love you Dave” at a concert, and doesn’t follow it up with a “We love you Boyd, Stefan, Leroi, Carter, and Butch” should really be shot. The band, while sharing Dave’s name, is truly an ensemble. In fact, Dave is the member I enjoy and like the least. Sure, he’s the frontman, but its Leroi and Boyd who are my all-time favorites (saxophone and violin for those who aren’t on a first name basis with my boys.) All that said, what DMB have I listened to more lately then any other? Without a doubt, it’s the Central Park Concert from last year. While not their best live performance as a group, each member really shines on a couple of songs. The 15 minute Jimi Thing is probably the closest thing to perfection I’ve ever heard the band do (maybe following Lie In Our Graves from their Live in Chicago CD). If all you’ve ever thought of is DMB a white male schlong fest – I’ll probably never convince you otherwise. Are there more talented bands out there? Sure. Are there songs with better written lyrics and tighter melodies? Sure. Bands more talented at jamming? Most definitely. But a band that has fun, shows true musical talent, and that just brings something new every time they perform? This is it. Next up in the best of series: Best Television.

Stupid work

I've got a class this morning - I'll be back with my regulary scheduled update this afternoon. Check back at 2:00 PM for the first in my best of 2004 entries!

And now for something completely different...

So, I like American Idol. Its difficult for me to just come out and admit that, but I do. I love the auditions - the obvious plants that are put in there just to make fools of themselves. I love semi-final groups of eight - where some people shine and some people don't. And then there are the finals, where it has been painfully obvious over the past two season who would be in the final four or so. However, last night's American Idol special "Uncensored, Uncut, and Untalented" (or some variation of those words, I'm too lazy to go look it up) just seemed, completely unnecessary. Yeah, there were some bad auditions. But to bring "Scat Girl" onto national television again...and to sing NEUTRON DANCE. God love us all. She sang NEUTRON DANCE. Stop. It was obvious she has the personality of a ball of wax when they didn't let her speak AT ALL. Go home fame-whore, we're all full up here. And c'mon - the army girl - she's cute in that bubbly high-school cheerleader way - and her voice wasn't that bad - but did I really need to sit there and watch her sing Boogie woogie bugle boy? See - she's in the ARMY. And she sang a song about a guy in the ARMY. Get it America? And finally - what to say about good ole William Hung? He honestly seems like one of the most down to earth, humble guys on the planet - and if this is what he wants, then so be it. But I just feel bad for the kid. Everytime I hear him sing I think about that scene in "A Christmas Story" where they're in the Chinese restaurant and the waiters sing "Deck the Halls" complete with "Far-rar-rar-rar, rar rar rar rar." And his performance - they gave him BACKGROUND dancers. I'm sure Neutron Dance would have been better with background dancers. Okay, maybe not -but c'mon American Idol - a little fairness here. I leave you with a quote from that greatest of American Songs: Neutron Dance: I don't want to take it anymore I'll just stay here locked behind the door Just no time to stop and get away 'Cause I work so hard to make it everyday Whoo oooh Whoo oooh There's no money falling from the sky 'Cause a man took my heart and robbed me blind Someone stole my brand new Chevrolet And the rent is due, I got no place to stay Whoo oooh Whoo oooh (Chorus:) And it's hard to say Just how some things never change And it's hard to find Any strength to draw the line I'm just burning doin' the neutron dance I'm just burning doin' the neutron dance

Da da da da da da

Monday monday... A weekend spent demolishing the interior of a house, playing video games, and drinking beer can't be bad, can it? Of course not. Anyone got an idea for my father's birthday? He's turning 58 on Friday. I'm headed home for the weekend and I have no idea what to get him. What do you get a 58 year old? Maybe a new transformer? So, I was driving on Saturday and had my MP3 player on random. A song came on that took me back to the early 1990s (in fact I think it was 1990 exactly). You know we live in crazy days when a dance craze sweeps the nation and the entire purpose of the dance is to just stand there and make hand movements. Yes boys and girls, i'm talking about Vouguing. You know what, this would have made a good Nintendo game. Wanna read a f*&#ed up novel? Read this I just finished it yesterday. Very interesting. I'm glad I didn't grow up a rich kid in LA. Till tomorrow! Daniel